The short answer
Almost everything people dislike about networking is a description of one particular activity: talking to strangers at events. That activity is optional. Written contact with people you already have some connection to does the same job, works better for most people, and can be done from a kitchen table on a Wednesday morning.
What matters most
- Events are one channel and a poor one for most people. Written contact with people you already know is more effective and far less costly.
- The goal of a first message is information, not a job. Asking for a job puts the other person in an awkward position; asking about the work does not.
- Warm contacts you have neglected outperform cold ones. Two years of silence is not the barrier it feels like.
- A short, specific, low-obligation message is the entire technique. Length and charm are not what make people reply.
What the word is hiding
When someone says networking got them a job, they almost never mean they attended an event and met a stranger who hired them. They usually mean something considerably more mundane: a former colleague mentioned an opening, or someone they used to work with was asked whether they knew anyone, and gave a name. The mechanism is not charm at scale. It is that a small number of people who have seen you work remember that you exist.
That reframing matters, because it changes the activity from "meet more people" to "be memorable to the people who already know you". The second version is much smaller, much more achievable, and does not require you to enjoy a drinks reception.
The message that works and the one that does not
Hi Sam, hope you are well! I have been made redundant and I am looking for a new role in product marketing. I have attached my resume — please let me know if you hear of anything at all, or if you can pass it on to anyone in your network. Any help much appreciated!
Hi Sam — it has been a while, hope things are good at Halden. I am starting to look for my next product marketing role and Halden is on my list. Would you be up for telling me what the marketing team is actually like to work in? Happy with a two-line answer or a fifteen-minute call, whichever is easier, and no problem at all if now is a bad time.
Notice what the good version is not: it is not clever, it is not long, and it does not perform enthusiasm. It is a question a real person can answer. That is the whole standard.
Where to find people you already have a claim on
Before contacting anyone new, work through the people you have some existing basis with. This list is usually far longer than people expect, and the reply rate is not comparable to cold outreach.
Anyone who has seen your work directly. Time apart matters much less than you think — people are generally pleased to hear from someone they liked working with, and mildly flattered to be asked what their current employer is like.
They are now inside other companies, they remember your team, and they know what it is like on both sides. This group is consistently underused.
If you have worked across an organisational boundary with someone, they have seen you perform under conditions your own colleagues have not. That is a stronger basis for a reference than most internal relationships.
People from a certification, a bootcamp, a degree or a professional programme. Shared context, low awkwardness, and often scattered across exactly the companies you are interested in.
A version of this you can run from your desk
The whole activity fits in about ninety minutes a week and involves speaking aloud only if you want it to.
- Write down twenty names. Not a strategy, just a list. Former colleagues, counterparts, people from courses. Do not filter for how useful they seem — you are a poor judge of who knows what.
- Send five messages a week, not twenty. Five is small enough that each one can be specific to the person, and specificity is the only thing that reliably affects reply rates.
- Ask about their work, not about vacancies. "What is the team actually like" and "how did you find the move" are answerable. "Are you hiring" usually is not, and it makes the conversation transactional immediately.
- Reply properly when someone answers. A real response to what they said, not just thanks. This is what makes a second message natural three weeks later.
- Say what you are looking for, once, plainly. Somewhere in the exchange, name the kind of role you want. People cannot keep you in mind for something you have not described.
- Keep the contact after the search ends. A message six months later saying where you landed costs nothing and is the difference between a network and a list of people you once needed something from.
If you do end up at an event
Sometimes it is unavoidable, or genuinely useful — an industry conference where the people you want to reach are all in one place. Two things make it survivable. Go with one objective rather than a general intention to mingle: speak to three people, or find the one person whose talk you actually wanted to hear. And treat the event as the beginning of a written exchange rather than the exchange itself. A ninety-second conversation followed by a message the next day referring to something specific you discussed is worth considerably more than an hour of circulating.
The wider point is that networking is not a personality requirement. The National Careers Service guidance on networking makes much the same case, and it is a reasonable second opinion if you want one that is not selling you anything. What all of it comes down to is that a handful of people should know what you do, that you are good at it, and that you are looking — and there is no rule saying they have to learn that in a room.
Questions people actually ask
Do I have to attend networking events to find a job?
No. Events are one channel among several and they are a poor fit for a lot of people. Written contact with former colleagues, counterparts and people you studied with does the same job, and the reply rate from people who already know you is not comparable to that from strangers in a room.
How do I message someone I have not spoken to in years?
Directly, briefly and without over-apologising for the gap. Acknowledge it in half a sentence, say what you are doing now, ask one specific question they can answer from their own experience, and make it easy to decline. Long silences feel far more significant to the person breaking them than to the person receiving the message.
What should I actually ask for in a networking message?
Information rather than a job. What the team is like, how a company handles something you care about, how they found a particular move. Those are questions a person can answer in a couple of minutes without having to check whether they are allowed to help you, which is why they get replies.
How many people should I contact a week?
Around five is a good working number. It is small enough that every message can be specific to the person, and specificity is what affects replies. Twenty near-identical messages will usually produce fewer responses than five considered ones, and take longer to write.
Is it worth networking if I am not looking for a job right now?
It is much easier then, which is rather the point. A message sent while you want nothing is a normal conversation. The same message sent in week three of an urgent search carries an obligation the recipient can feel. Keeping a handful of relationships warm when there is nothing at stake is the version of this that costs almost nothing.
